Crackers have been an essential part of Christmas since 1847. Traditionally the jokes within are more to be groaned at than laughed at.
If you have any groaners from your crackers, send 'em in!
What does the word "minimum" mean?
A very small mother!
Where should a dressmaker build her house?
On the outskirts!
Why didn't the skeleton go to the New Year's Eve party?
He had no body to go with!
What do you get if you cross a skeleton with a detective?
Sherlock Bones!
What must you know to become an auctioneer?
Lots!
Who is the most famous bride in America?
Mrs Sippi!
Why don't ducks tell jokes to each other when they're flying?
They would quack up!
What do you get if you cross an Ipod with a fridge?
Cool tunes!
Did you hear about the cracker's Christmas party?
It went with a bang!
How do you make idiots laugh on boxing day?
Tell them a joke on Christmas Eve!
How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
Deep pan, crisp and even!
If athletes get athletes foot, what do rocket scientists get?
Missile-toe!
Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas?
No, you can have turkey like everyone else!
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!
What did the big angel say to the little angel?
Halo there!
What did the guest sing at the snowman's Christmas party?
Freeze a jolly fellow!
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What does Dracula write on his Christmas cards?
Best vicious of the season!
What's a sheep's favourite Christmas carol?
We wish ewe a Merry Christmas.
Who is never hungry at Christmas?
The turkey - he's always stuffed!
Who's working at MI5 on Christmas Day?
Mince spies!
Why are turkeys wiser than chickens?
Ever heard of Kentucky Fried Turkey?
Why was the turkey the drummer in the pop group?
Because he was the only one with drumsticks!