Cyrus asks: "Daddy, how was I born?"
Dad replies: "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Well, you see, your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date with your mom via e-mail, and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later, a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said: You've Got Male!"
A woman was having trouble with her computer. She called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.
Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem for her.
As Eric was walking away, she called after him, "So, what was wrong?"
He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."
She didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again."
Eric grinned, "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"
"No," she replied.
"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."
So she wrote down: I D 1 0 T
She used to like Eric...
With the problems being encountered by Windows users all across the world, with all versions of Windows, people are asking themselves if Windows is a virus. In response to the high demand for an answer to that question a study was done and concluded the following:
- Viruses replicate quickly.
- Windows does this.
- Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so.
- Windows does this too.
- Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk.
- Windows does this as well! (not looking good so far).
- Viruses are usually carried, unkown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems.
- Oh dear! Windows does that as well.
- Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware.
- Same with Windows.
Maybe Windows really is a virus?
No! There is a difference!
Viruses are well supported by their authors, are frequently updated, and tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.
So there you have it! Windows can not be a virus!
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Scouse Keyboard
Are you old enough to remember when..........
- Memory was something you lost with age?
- An application was for employment?
- A program was a TV show?
- A cursor used profanity?
- A keyboard was a piano?
- A web was a spider's home?
- A virus was the flu?
- A CD was a bank account?
- A hard drive was a long trip on the road?
- A mouse pad was where a mouse lived?
- And if you had a 3 inch floppy . .
- . . you just hoped nobody ever found out!
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way
computers have enhanced our lives, read on.
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated,
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would
all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
- In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release
stating:
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars
with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):
- For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash........ Twice a day.
- Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a
new car.
- Occasionally your car would die on the motorway for no reason. You would
have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the
car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some
reason you would simply accept this.
- Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your
car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to
reinstall the engine.
- Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable,
five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five
percent of the roads.
- The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be
replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning
light.
- The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying.
- Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and
refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned
the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
- Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to
drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same
manner as the old car.
- You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
My FAVOURITE:
(after over 10 years of sorting out PC problems for people)
Sometimes it's the only cure...........
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